* You know, I love someone. That someone means every damn thing to me. From the time I open my eyes in the morning until the time I close my eyes in the evening, he is the one on my mind. I am sad when he is sad & I am glad when he is glad. Everything he feels, I feel it twice as much. And now I'm saying all these because I want the whole world to know that loving someone is so much deeper than not being able to eat. I am fat but I got so damn much love for him. And I don't care about diet. All I care for is that someone who holds my entire heart. *

..Love is such a big word. But it is nice noh? When you think of it, you would realize that love conquers all ages, all races and all faces. No one has ever has the right to dictate to anyone who we shall love, when we shall love and why we should love. All we must think of is what our hearts say and who it belongs to. :)

(: Para sa lahat ng mga nagmamahal, wag kayong makikinig sa sinasabi ng ibang tao okay? Don't let others bring you down kasi hindi naman sila ang sasaya kapag nagpatuloy kayong magmahal. I know this one person, who's very very close to my heart, she is the perfect example of a person who knows how to love a man entirely. She has everything back where she was, magandang buhay, masaganang trabaho at nasasakamay na niya ang kanyang pangarap, but when she met this guy who captured her whole heart & whole self, she gave up EVERYTHING.

a famous line sa Ibong Adarna, "O Pag-ibig, hahamakin lahat masunod ka lamang." ..and now, that person so close to my heart is *guess what?* GETTING MARRIED. :)

you see, all is fair in love and war. you win some, you lose some. but what's most important is the answer to the question, "masaya ka ba?".

* just a little thought to ponder on guys *

*After so long.. *

I had been dreading to go online for some time. I don't know why. I guess I was tired of seeing the same old things, same old stupid things na wala namang pinagbabago. Everytime I go online, pareparehas lang ang nakikita ko and wala, ang sakit sa mata. Ayaw ko ng monotonous. I despise things na mga wala namang pinatutunguhan. Hehe. Diba? Di niyo ba naiisip, parang ang pointless to go on with one thing that does not progress naman? Especially kung wala namang naidudulot sa'yo na kahit ano. Parang ang corny naman. This is what usually drags people down eh. Lalo na mga Filipinos in general, we are so hooked up with things na may mga "sentimental" value. Mga lumang rosas na patay na, we keep them for what? Wala lang. Para lang remembrance diba? Don't get me wrong. Ako din naman ganun eh. Hehe. Pero wala lang. Naisip ko, anong point ng pagiiwan ng mga ganung kalat sa cabinet natin? Eh ang memories naman ay nasa utak at nasa puso. Di na kailangan ng materyal na bagay na magsisilbing kalat lang naman sa ating mga buhay (at bahay) pagdating ng panahon. Eh pano kapag tumanda na tayo at kinailangan na nating lumipat sa sarili sarili nating mga bahay? Dadalhin pa ba natin lahat ng mga "memory boxes" na yun? Mga scrapbook ever? Hay nako ah. Kaya di tayo umaasenso eh, mashado tayong nakakapit sa mga past natin. Dapat diba ilet go na natin ang mga nakalipas at salubungin na natin ang bawat umaga as a brand new life! With brand new emotions. We should move on kung nasaktan man tayo nung nakaraan. Kung may minahal man tayo at nawala, wag na tayo mashado magpakaemosyonal at araw araw pang iyakan ang taong wala na namang pakealam sa atin diba? Di niyo ba naisip na katangahan na yun minsan? Ako din nagdaan diyan. Todo iyak din ako at feeling ko wala nang mas sasakit pa sa pinagdadaanan ko. Pero wala naman naidulot sa akin na maganda yun eh. I mean, in the short run, hindi naman bumalik yung mahal ko na yun dahil sa mga balde baldeng luhang iniiyak ko tuwing gabi eh. But in the long run, may naitulong din pala yung experience na yun. Narealize ko na we should not cry over spilled milk. No, let me correct my statement, we should not over cry pala. Shempre naman tao tayo noh. Nasasaktan. Kaya sige, iiyak tayo pag nasaktan pero tama lang. Wag naman yung tipong parang nagpapadiscover na tayo sa Star Magic kasi tayo lang talaga ang nagpapasakit sa sarili natin nun. Sabi nga diba, pain lasts for only 12 minutes.. the rest of the pain that follows afterwards, self-inflicted na. Meaning, tayo na lang ang nananakit sa mga sarili natin nun. Kaya dapat itigil na ang mga kahibangan at mga pagdepress depressan okay?

You might be wondering kung bakit ganito yung mga pinagsasabi ko ngayon. Stop na! Easter Sunday kasi ngayon diba? And last night, through the mass I heard, I have decided to put away all the hurts and insecurities I have, or rather, had, in the past. And I am going to face the rest of my days bilang bagong tao. Kung naging masama man ako kahapon, tinalikuran ko na yun at isinawalang bahala na yun ni papa Jesus. Same goes for you guys. Diba nga Christ died na? He died para mawala na ang mga kasalanan natin. So as of today, we are officially sin-less. Di naman walang kasalanan. Nabawasan na siguro somehow. Sayang nga I had not confessed eh. Di ko naman kasi naramdaman na nagkaconfession pala sa Chapel namin. Weh? Wala ata eh. Kasi parati ako nandun the past days of Holy week, wala naman. So i conclude na wala talaga. Kung meron lang sana, nagkumpisal na ako para naman mawala ang mga kasalanan ko officially. Pero sa ngayon, wala na talaga. Bagong buhay na.

Funny to pag nabasa ng mga kabarkada, for sure. Haha. Kapal niyo! Mga yosi girls jan, tigil na ang pagyoyosi girls, sayang ang beauty kung mamamatay lang ng maaga. At alam niyo naman, walang magandang naidudulot talaga yan. Swear. Yung alcohol, pwede pa! Isuka mo lang, wala na mejo sa system ng katawan mo yun eh. Pero yung effect ng cigarette sa lungs, forever na. Huhu. Kaya stop na! Hehe.

Nako, ako gaga ako pero i've never thought of sucking on cancer sticks, ever. Di lang siguro talaga ako interesado. Hehe. Curious din akong tao katulad ng mga kaibigan kong gustong itry ang lahat pero ipinapaubaya ko na ang paghithit sa inyo mga bitches out there (much love to you sprinkles) at ako na lang sa paglamon ah? At naku, ang tatay kong napakatalino naman eh di pa din magawang pigilan ang paghithit. So wala talaga sa katalinuhan o katangahan yun mga tsong. Ayos lang yan kung di niyo man maitigil agad. Unti unti lang. Take it nice and slow.

So dito na lang muna cause my dad's been calling me to eat breakfast! Ugh, kain na naman? Ayaw ko na kumain! Ang taba ko na eh. Pero fun to guys, after eating, we'll both go to the other house kung nasan yung gym at.. mageexercise kami! Alright! So till here guys, love you all! And happy happy easter to you all. New life ah? Mwah.

*more soon..*

Sunday Morning

Hey! It's a sunny day and the clouds are so gray! The mood is great, the weather's so fine! Everything's just happy! :)) kakagaling ko lang sa mass and weee.. kakapagod pala maging yaya! hihi. kasi si Jhelmi, grand daughter ng tita ko na ka-choir ng parents ko.. sobrang nakadikit lang siya sa kin from the moment i entered the church! haha. ang fun nga pala ng may baby na inaalagaan! i forgot how it felt na since my bro and his fam left for Canada for good na eh. :( yeaa.. emote? haha. well, at least it's almost December and they are going back here at Pinas na! yahooo *clap clap* :) ang saya!

The whole mass was fun cause i was with her. :) naglaro kami nung panyo niya! tinutupi namin sa iba ibang shapes! weee! ang galing galing niya! :) nagagaya niya kung pano ko tinupi! haha! then, after the mass.. may Lecom meeting. :) dapat bibigay ko na siya sa lola niya kaso kumapit ng mahigpit eh! so kasama ko din siya dun! well, it's only on the other side of the chapel naman so no problem. :) and i didn't really understand anything sa meeting cause everyone's talking at the same time. hay. lahat sila magaling. go! sila na, sila na ang magkakaintindihan kung ganun sila. :)) basta kami ni Jhelmi naglalaro lang dun! fun, diba? :P

:) yun, di ko na tinapos ung meeting cause yung choir went to the rectory to eat na! nagpahanda kasi mom ko, birthday niya next Sunday! weeee! we have other plans so we did the handaan now. :) yummmy. i ate a little.. most of the food i made subo to Jhelmi.. :)) yeeee! what a grammar.. :) Ren kasi eh. haha. we're making usap like this in the text always that's why im like, sanay na e. :)) weee, it's just for fun anyway. :)

sobrang init kanina dun!! sobra talaga, nabuburn fats ko! wee. kaya umuwi na ko.. :) eto im hone na. :) and just thought of posting a blog entry na wala namang katuturan. :) haha.. welcome me back to the xanga business. :) and watch out for more posts na parang nobela ulit!

<3 love lots. XAN.